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Like Sex, partnership and relationship in the digital age

Rainer* just had Sex again with the super bitch. Is always a pretty one-sided thing. Because Rainer, 47 years old, is genuine, the woman he called a super bitch, there are just as a file on Rainer’s Smartphone. The Sex works like this: Rainer puts a Hand while he staring at the super bitch. After about five minutes the thing is done. The orgasm Kick in Rainer’s head feels good. But only for a short period of time. Then Rainer is restless again. His best friend used to Rainer, as a tool. Against Boredom, Fear, Loneliness. Or simply for relaxation. The tool will be maintained and in a good mood.

Rainer has a Smartphone and a Laptop. Naked women he has reserved both of the devices a dark corner. Rainer collects porn, and like other men early stamps collected. The super-bitch is among Thousands of files, its blue Mauritius. She brings him always higher, no matter how ready he is. Rainer’s wife, Steffi knows nothing about it. For he says in the evening: “You, honey, I’m still a bit in front of the computer and masturbating.” Rainer says: “I have to go to the Desk.” With his Steffi, Rainer asleep rather rare. Somehow you can’t reach the super bitch sexually the water.

scene change: At the Berlin erotic fair “Venus”, presented to a manufacturer to have a mobile App-controlled Vibrator, of which the woman’s help, “to begin a journey of self-discovery”. Of the apparatus with a “battery for 4 hours of Action” has three motors for G-spot, clitoris and the inside of the genital area and will cost 269 euros. A few meters further on, erotic-Models for their Websites and web-Cams advertise. They call themselves “Dirty Squirty”, “Dirty Tina” or “Dirty Akira”. A sex worker told how exhausting it was, hours and hours in front of the Webcam to play around and to meet new desires of the viewer. Some Users remained for hours, the other filed a couple of seconds. Into the network, orgasm, out of it.

For the mechanized Sex has upgraded the industry. Sex toy is part of the Mainstream. The Foundation test were taken for the first time in its history, Sextoys under the microscope, with the Tester focused on the pollutant load. Result: The “very good” rated “Space Rider 3000”, there are already about 15 Euro, while a Vibrator for just under 90 Euro gave so much Nickel that he should not have been sold.

Also for men, there is the appropriate desire helper. Internet advertising text for the “hands-free” application of the “twin chargers” by Nobra: “The outstanding stimulating effect is based on our innovative double-vibrations interference effect. The separately adjustable powerful vibrations of the two 12 Volt engines overlap by mechanical coupling along the massive base of Your Penis (…) This device is a real milking machine!” Questions?

The brain in the porn noise

Yes, to clarify, two things would be: How do we, humans, actually, with the sexual temptations in the digital age? In a time in which we have pornography in the highest quality of Detail for most special preferences always and everywhere available. In a time, in the us high-tech sex toys new super orgasms promise at the push of a button. How to change partnership and relationship in the age of Smartphone Sex, programmable vibrators and Dating platforms where the next bed partner is only a finger swipe away?

“Our shoots are uncouple increasingly from the partnership,” says Heike Melzer, who has been working for more than 15 years as a Couple and sex therapist. For Melzer, a consequence of the digitalization. “Everyone can easily have Sex without the own Partner. Love is dug from sexual super stimuli of the water. Is talked about rarely. The man says in the evening, he still had to check E-Mails and goes on porn sites. His wife says she’ll go to bed early and takes the Vibrator. Lust is there, but not on the Partner.” On their observations from practice, Melzer has written a book. It bears the title “focusing – The new sexual Revolution.”** Melzer is sure: Never, we were surrounded by so many, so strong sexual Stimuli, as it is today.

according to statistics, 13 to 25 percent of all searches are turning on the Internet to pornography. The is allegedly for almost a third of global traffic is responsible. The website Pornhub counted in the year 2018, a whopping 33.5 billion hits from all over the world. The offer of anal sex to ladies-in-waiting-game is differentiated as never before.

With a 08/15-Film pulls out today, no one behind the stove. A porn portal informs in a press release: “Not to be missed, viewers should view the Videos for more experienced users. As a brave Artist hangs on to his testicles and swings strikingly graceful minutes in the room. Who was always the question of how many eggs fit in a Vagina, the answer is: three boiled eggs with shell. As the lady creates then an omelet in your Vagina, it shows on xhamster.com.”

“It makes me worry how relationship structures and sexuality in the digital age”, says couple therapist Melzer. “Our table image, is spoken of as rich with sexual Offers, Charms and seductions covered, that we tend to overindulge all of us.” The image Melzer signed, little lust: The sex industry offered consumers an increasingly stronger Kicks. Digital Sex can make, summon, increasingly, sexual dysfunction, and lead, and sometimes, people lose their ability to relate. “I want to authorize are neither moral nor digital Sex demonize,” says Melzer, “but only on. Of course, Masturbation is perfectly okay. Of course, it may be nice to put together a good Porn view or use a sex Toy. Pornography is not per se good or bad. As chocolate is not good or bad. It comes down to dealing with it. So it is with the Sex. You have to enjoy in moderation. But there are always more people who can’t find the off switch.”

How many of them are, is controversial. “Careful, three to four percent of the German Internet pornography are estimated to be dependent,” says Matthias Brand, a Professor of cognitive psychology at the University of Duisburg-Essen. “Other studies, their methodological approach, I am somewhat critical of that, assume that the proportion for men is much higher – and is about eight to nine per cent.”

The growing Power of pornography

compared with earlier much greater Power of pornography Brand does not deny. On the one hand, you can be anywhere.available, on the other hand, the porn world is virtually infinite amount of Material available, which is the brain of the viewer startle you again and again to search for more Material. “Never, the user cannot be sure that he will maybe somewhere a movie or a scene that fits better to their preferences,” says Brand.

for the viewer, satisfying porno clip is, a strong reward pulse, the “happiness chemical messenger” dopamine distributed. Gradually, our brains get used to as the most important sexual organ in to these impulses, and demand more of it. It is a kick a habituation. For the same satisfaction it needed to be then stronger stimuli. Finally, the brain structures changed so that the search for pornography, going to a kind of automatism and not the free will is subjected.

What does not mean, however, that we would not have lost us all in a Labyrinth of our desires, from which we can find out. “There is a need for a certain psychic pre-conditions, if pornography is the Problem,” says Brand. His colleague, Nicole Krämer, Professor for social psychology, warns against panic-mongering. “It appears to me to be simple, made up of many individual observations to filter out something like a social Trend. Most people can deal with the subject of pornography quite well. But it is also true: The study location to the new forms of expression of sexuality is bad. We still know much too little about how the digital age our love life, our mental health and our partnerships.”

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